What Price Peace
by Bindi
Summary: An introspection on how Will and Deanna are dealing with the Dominion War. Set a little while after the liberation of Betazed


Disclaimer- Not my characters, Paramount's.  We know the rules. 

This is another I had toyed with sending off.  But after my sister beta read I changed my mind.  I guess I will try for next year.

"What Price Peace?"

Know the enemy,             Know yourself, 

_            And victory_

_            Is never in doubt,_

            Not in a hundred battles                                                             Sun Tzu- The Art of War 

            Bending over the console, Commander William Riker rubbed the bridge of his nose.  He had spent the better part of the last twelve hours trying to make sense of the latest intelligence reports that were displayed in front of him.  Most of his waking hours not spent in one crisis or another on the bridge had been spent in his quarters trying to make sense of what Starfleet wanted done as well as what operatives had learned about the Dominion recently.  After the last month or so of furious activity even these reports were more relaxing than they used to be.  The _Enterprise _had engaged in several battles recently and even though they had spent nearly a week in a space station being repaired, he still found himself working eighteen hour shifts and never getting more than two or three hours of sleep a night.

Even now that they had experienced a very mild week he still felt like he needed a month of shore leave to make up from the last major campaign they had participated.  _War costs too much.  I look at these every day.  In the terms of equipment the cost seems impossible to calculate.  In terms of loss of life it is more than impossible.  Just in that one campaign alone, we still don't have the final casualty list.  For us so far it's over one hundred thousand dead.  There are still about a million missing and nearly that many still considered wounded._  The 

thoughts threatened to distract him from what he was doing.  He continued to look at the reports.  These had included what they had recovered from Sentok Nor's wreckage.  So far they had leaned that there were over ten thousand JemHadar killed in the destruction of the station and on the planet.  Those numbers changed every day, which is why he held the morbid desire to read every page of these reports, as well as the casualty lists every evening.  While in some way comforting, the information was not distilled for bedtime reading.  As a result his sleep lately had been filled with nightmares.  

Glancing at the chronometer on his desk he realized that it was only 2115.  Deanna would still be awake, she might even be willing to eat and talk. With a sigh he muttered to himself, "I know that I am not the only one suffering from nightmares lately."  Deanna had only been released back to limited duty a couple of days ago.  While not sustaining any real physical injury during the liberation of Betazed she had been mentally assaulted by a mass murderer, shrugged that off for duty, and then proceeded to teach her mother and several of her people to defeat the JemHadar, without having to kill them.  The cap in her week was then to accompany her mother's cell in the assault.  During that she had experienced an empathic overload, which nearly killed her.  _Not that I could blame her for what she did.  I was right on her heels to go down there myself.  But the girl showed everyone what she could do.  I am damn proud of her.  I hope to keep telling her that.  I almost lost her then, I don't know what I would do if she hadn't returned._  Now she was still suffering from nightmares stemming from trying to 

integrate the information that had been forced on her.  Will had taken upon himself to make sure she was still on the road to recovery.   

***** Command is 

              _Wisdom,_

_              Integrity,_

_             Compassion,_

_             Courage,_

_             Severity._

_                                    --The Art of War_

It had been over three weeks since Betazed had become a Federation territory again and _Enterprise _had left eight days ago -- to return to the fray it was said.  Now the routine of fighting in a war had returned and the stress on the crew was becoming evident.  Although they only had one engagement during that time, which fortunately ended with very few lives lost and a captured vessel, even Will was starting to feel the tense undercurrents of a crew that had seen way too much death and destruction.  Both the science and engineering departments had spent the last forty-eight hours combing the vessel they were towing to Starbase 27, trying to glean any new modifications made to Dominion ships and see if there was anything worth something in their computer core.  So far the result had been a big goose egg.  The last report from Commander LeForge hinted at him thinking that they were towing the equivalent of a training 

vessel.  Even the Captain was beginning to grow weary of the grisly pattern into which they had been forced.

            Leaving the bridge, Will went straight to his quarters.  At the moment he did not even want to talk to anyone -- especially Deanna.  She did not need to share his grief at the moment.  After nearly a month the final death rosters for Betazed were being released.  Will had earlier distilled it down to the basic numbers for the Captain, but he felt a compulsion to read the list of names, just one more time.  When he reached the R's he froze.  Again this damnable war had taken another personal turn.  List on the names of the dead were Wendy Roper and her father.  When he had been stationed on Betazed after breaking up with Deanna, he had a brief affair with Wendy.  The two of them even met again just after the _Enterprise D_ crashed.  Now she was just a casualty of war, a name on a list, like too many he had known.  

            After filing his reports he had managed to leave the bridge a little early, which was a good thing as far as he was concerned.  Deanna was on night watch command and he did not want her to see him.  She did not deserve to have to deal with anyone else's grief at the moment.  She had only just been pronounced fit to return to any sort of duty.  While on the outside she was more in control of herself again, she still had to wage her own private war.  That was on top of keeping nearly one thousand people sane, in a time where sanity could never truly dwell.  The man Will Riker only wanted to hold her close and protect her while she healed, knowing that they should share all their grief together.  The 

commander needed every fit officer he could have at the moment, and Deanna was one of the most capable command officers at his disposal.  After her actions 

with Commander Vaughn on Darona, Will felt she had truly blossomed.  _No, she does not need me to be near her tonight.  She would feel the need to do her job, and I don't want to be counseled.  I just want to sleep this off.  After all this time I can manage to get through this on my own._  He followed the thought by stripping off his uniform and crawling into bed.

_            JemHadar swarmed the grass in front of the security team.  More than Will had ever seen.  He ducked behind a fallen tree, trying to find more cover.  Several shots barely missed him as he did so.  Returning fire he noticed what was behind the soldiers -- civilians.  Not just any civilians, but diplomats.  Wendy Roper's blonde hair caught his eye and her father was right behind her.  He tried to clear a path for them to get out of there, but in the process he missed the soldiers coming from behind.  One shot Wendy in the back, while another speared her father in the gut, eviscerating him.  Both collapsed, dead before they landed.  Will did not hesitate as he leapt from his small cover to try to reach them.  He collapsed next to the woman, not paying attention to the battle that still raged on.  A scream brought him out of his grief.  Across the field was Deanna, giving a good account of herself with Data next to her.  At first he thought that she had been wounded, or worse.  No her scream was from not being able to save another member of the team and the most important -- Captain Jean Luc _

_Picard.  The bald man lay in a crumpled heap about twenty meters ahead of her.  He watched as she tried to fire as a pair of soldiers charged at them.  Data only _

_managed to get one; the second killed Deanna in the same manner as Wendy's father.  Grief filled Will in a way he never knew possible.  Looking down at the blonde he meant to place her on the ground to go to his _Imzadi_ when he saw her face begin to morph. In horrorific grief he watched as the hair became raven hued and the eyes as dark as coal.  The vaguely Celtic features were replaced by classic Greek, and very familiar.  Now lying in his arms, the life ebbing from her body was Deanna._

I could have saved her, if I hadn't gotten distracted.  I should not have left her.  I knew she couldn't do this on her own.  She's not a soldier; she's a healer.  I should have done my job and not have let her come, or the Captain.  I could have saved her._  Tears ran down his cheek as he grieved, wallowing in self-abasement.  He never even saw the JemHadar blade as it began to slice his throat._

            The jolt of hitting the floor woke him.  He was covered in sweat and the sheets were twisted completely around him.   "Computer, lights," he was nearly panicked as he gave the request  To his night-adjusted eyes the light in the room was very bright and he squinted until they adjusted.  This had been one of the worst.  Usually his nightmares consisted of dogfights and ground attacks with total strangers, probably his mind sorting through all the casualty lists.  This time, 

he had lost his best friends, and because he did not know when to separate the man from the commander.

            "Troi to Commander Riker."  Deanna's melodious voice sounded worried.

            "Go ahead, Commander."  He hoped he didn't sound too disoriented.

            "Are you ok Will?"

            "More or less."

"Let's just say I got worried.  Don't worry I went in the ready room before I called.  Want to talk about it?"

            It always amazed him how she would know exactly when he needed her.  Even after all these years he still felt in awe of her when she did things like this.  _It's another thing that makes her not only a good counselor, but command officer as well.  And most importantly friend._  "Not right now.  I think I need to try to get some more sleep."

            "Ok, but how about dinner tonight?"

            "I'll take you up on that.  Say 1900, between our shifts?"

            "It's a date."

*****

            _Nurture life,_

_               Occupy solid ground._

_               Your troops will thrive,_

_               Victory will be sure._

_                                                --The Art of War_

            When Will finished his shift the next day he was on his way to coming to terms with his latest loss.  His nightmare was still in the back of his mind, but he had managed to rationalize it to being his own internal worry whenever he had to 

find himself making combat decisions.  Although he was feeling a bit better he still found himself looking at the casualty reports for the day.  Once he called 

them up on his terminal he sighed.  This was on of the shortest lists he had seen since this thing began.  There were fewer than one hundred names on the list.  If his fatigued memory served, almost every one of them had been MIA for some time now.  It was a bit of good news, if you could use the word when talking about casualty lists.

            Feeling a little better he took a quick shower and changed into something a little more comfortable.  He checked on Deanna's location and left to meet her.  She was in her office.  Apparently she had an evening appointment and she had just finished since she was walking out of the office just as he turned the corner.  She looked fatigued, but she was smiling.  She also looked like she was beginning to pick up the weight she had lost in the last few months.  Will felt the last of the melancholy shrug off his shoulders.  Whenever he felt down all he needed to cheer up was seeing her smile.  It was a very welcome sight at the moment.  "Well, ready for dinner?

            "Definitely, I'm starving."  She saw his face light up.  "Well that's a definite change from when I talked to you last night."

            "It's just good to see you hungry that's all.  I fear that I was running out of chocolate treats to tempt you into eating with."

            "No need to today.  I am truly hungry for the first time since I returned from Betazed.  So what I am eating for dinner tonight?"

            "I was thinking something simple.  Salad, pasta, and more garlic bread than anyone should eat in polite company.  Then maybe spumoni and a walk in the arboretum."  Impishly he offered her his arm, which she took.

"Are you sure you're not telepathic?"   

"Only with you," he teased the woman he so adored.  Together they walked back to his quarters.   They ate, talking about the more mundane aspects of their day, interspersed with reminisces of happier times.  Will often thought of these conversations as escapism but they truly did make things easier to deal with during the rough spots.  Finally they both decided they had more than enough to eat.  "Care for that walk now?"

"Most definitely.  I don't believe I could even think of eating ice cream at the moment."  After the reached the gardens of the arboretum Deanna decided to begin the conversation.  "I got a message from Mother today."  She felt Will tense both mentally and physically.  "Don't fret, it was actually good news.  They finally managed to get the hospitals up and running properly.  The largest portion of the 

wounded have been treated now and it looks like most of them will make it.  Oh, and she got the chocolate I snuck out to her for Barin."

"Well, at least there is some good news out of this."  Will had been doing well until she had mentioned anything about her home.  As soon as she began to talk about Betazed he saw Wendy.

"Will, something is wrong.  You might be able to hide your feelings from everyone else on this ship, but not me.  Talk to me.  What happened yesterday?"

 "I know you saw that the final casualty list for Betazed came through.  Well when I summarized it for the Captain, I went back and read the names, looking for a few people I knew.  Well, I found two, Wendy Roper and her father.  He was an attaché at the embassy when I was stationed there."

"I remember Wendy.  I couldn't forget her.  Will I am sorry.  I guess when I told you good news about mother it hit a nerve."

"It did.  I will get past it I've managed so far.  Now for a change of subject, form me to you.  How are you managing today?"

"It's been hard.  I have realized I will never get that monster out of my head.  But I can teach myself that his memories aren't mine.  For the first time since this happened I woke up on my own this morning, and not from a nightmare.  I don't think I will ever get truly over this, but I do know I will get past it."

They walked arm and arm in silence.  Will inhaled the smells deeply.  The smell of his companion mingled with the scents of exotic flowers.  Trees flowered or bent over to greet them as they walked.  It had been weeks since they last 

managed to do something like this, before Elias Vaughn came into their lives and sent his girl on this whirlwind.  He had come to depend on these times to unwind and let the war go by the way side, if even for only an hour.  He also knew that Deanna needed these as much as he did, maybe more.  After all someone needed to counsel the counselor.  Neither of them bothered to keep track of the 

time, and neither of them cared.  Together they walked arm in arm, leaning on the strength of the other, nurturing the life they shared as friends.

*****

_Ultimate excellence lies_

_                Not in winning _

_                Every battle_

_                But in defeating the enemy_

_                Without ever fighting_

_                                                --The Art of War_

The next morning brought Will out of the balance he had achieved.  Unlike the previous several days, this morning the _Enterprise _was called to defend a colony near the Bajoran wormhole.  By the time they had arrived, the attack had been over for several minutes and the viewscreen was filled with the aftermath of the ravages of war, in all gory reality.  During their approach for orbit they had to 

cross a debris field from the battle.  Several JemHadar bodies were floating in space as they traversed the area.  "Who do you want down there besides me 

sir?"   No one on the bridge commented on the scene before them.  Silently Will was thankful.  This was getting to him.

            "Get Dr. Crusher to get a med team together.  Make sure security covers them.  And do you think Counselor Troi is up to it?  They are probably going to need her.  Most of the people here have escaped the worst of this until now.  They are going to need a counselor."

            "She's up to it sir.  You would be surprised at what she can do sometimes."

            "Nothing she does surprises me anymore Number One.  I would think she would sneak something in on you even less than she does me."

            "You are probably right."  Will stood to leave, turning to Data before he finished standing.  "Data, you're with me."  With no other comment the pair left.

            "I think I am going to be sick."  Crusher had paled when she saw the blood bath before her.  She had seen what she had thought was every manner of death possible, but the sheer brutality of this massacre was making her physically ill.

            Not that Will didn't agree with the doctor's sentiment he did, but he really didn't need anyone to tell him at the moment.  He was very thankful he was on an empty stomach.  A quick glance at Deanna proved to show the counselor physically bearing up to the scene as well as the rest of them.  _You ok?_  It was 

work to even send one or two words telepathically to Deanna but at the moment he did not want to alarm anyone by drawing attention to her.

            _Not great, but ok._ The response came with a grim smile on her part.  Before them was the most horrific form of carnage Deanna had ever seen.  Bodies were severed, eviscerated, shot, and every other manner of killed she had ever heard of.  There were even hangings.  Not a person was alive in this village, she was sure of it.  At least she wouldn't have to deal with the trauma 

cases she had steeled herself for.  "If there is anyone still alive here, I can't feel them."  She looked to Riker.

            "If Beverly agrees to that I say we get out of here and send the forensics teams in and let them clean up."

            "You get no argument from me.  I will still have to be down here for at least a while to supervise getting things set up, but Deanna is right.  My tricorder isn't even picking up a dog for at least a kilometer, and nowhere within range am I getting anything that might even be a primate, much less sentient."

            "I will leave the security team with you.  I am going to report this to the Captain.  Deanna, Data, let's go."  The other two silently gathered around.  Even Data seemed disconcerted by this scene.  But then again he had been introspective himself as of late.  "_Enterprise_, three to beam up."

            Five minutes later Riker and Troi were sitting in the Captain's ready room.  Data had gone back to help Crusher with setting up the mobile autopsy center.  

Mostly what they would need to do is identify whom they could and then dispose of the bodies.  It sounded cruel, but at this point the Federation could not waste 

the resources to return the dead to their families.  In a case like this they would most likely finish with the identification and then they would use the ships phaser array to cremate the bodies.  They would then do the same thing for the JemHadar and Cardassian bodies that were floating in orbit.  That was if they weren't pulled into another battle first.  "Sir, I wish I knew why they did this.  It just 

seems like they were chosen to prove that the Dominion could do this to anyone they chose."  Riker sighed as he slumped in his chair.

            "Actually I have been thinking."  Deanna looked as pale as she did before.  "I think this really was done just to prove their ability to destroy.  They just lost Betazed, and a brand new space station.  This attack seemed too well timed; so that no one would get here in time, and when we were in the area to begin with.  I am thinking that by now most of the Dominion knows the _Enterprise_ was responsible for blowing their new home into little pieces.  It appears to me like the desperate work of a losing people.  They just wanted to destroy this place because they could.  Why else take the time to be so creative in your killing.  Even Treven wasn't so creative, and he was the worst killer that I have dealt with."

            "I get the point Counselor.  You two still have work to do.  Number One, you have the bridge while I file the report on this.  Dismissed."

            When the day had ended Will gave an exhausted sigh of relief.  They hadn't been called to another emergency but the ID process was going to take 

into the late hours of tonight and possibly into the morning.  Deanna had told him she needed to sleep extra this afternoon so that she could cover Beverly's bridge shift for the night.  She was in her cabin, hopefully sleeping peacefully._  That's a good idea.  I hope that I can manage tonight._

            As he entered his bedroom he realized he was more tired than he thought.  He did not even bother to shower, merely stripping his clothes off and falling into bed.  He asked for some quiet music to lull him into sleep.  Unbidden he recalled a quote from the Art of War, a book he found constant inspiration in.

            __

            But in defeating the enemy 

            _Without ever fighting_

_Over two and a half millennia and we still can't do that._  He thought of the senselessness of war and the loss that came with it.  Then he remembered that peace itself was hard won and as fleeting as emotion.  As he was losing consciousness, the oblivion of sleep claiming him, he thought of what Deanna had managed to persevere through and how well she had survived, growing even.  He found hope in her resilience and ability to heal.  His final thought was a single word, buoyed by his _Imzadi_ and the hope that springs eternal in the drive of humanity…_yet…_


End file.
